Letting Go

Whenever the new year comes around, everyone starts making resolutions, e.g. "Next year, I resolve to eat more veggies", "This new year, I will try to aim for the urinal while peeing" or "For 2***, I am going to smoke less weed and more pot", and so on and so forth. Well, I, for one, refuse to set any resolutions for 2008 'coz it's a well-known fact that they will only last, what, a week (?) at most. So for 2008, I am going to 'let go' of stuff instead of 'making up' stuff, with 'stuff' referring to emotional baggage.

One baggage in particular has been bugging me ever since it reared its ugly head in May 2007 alllllll the way until now, and I seriously need to throw this baggage off for the upcoming new year.

A female 'friend' of mine gave me an ultimatum, "Either you choose me or your boyfriend." Now, in my humble opinion, this is possibly THE most selfish thing you can ask someone but perhaps to you, this is like "So what?" Well, let me explain. Whenever I hear a question like this, it's like a psychopath asking its victim to choose between losing both eyes or both hands. It's like a beloved child having to choose between her mom and dad. Or like you being forced to choose to live with either Freddy Krueger or Jason Voorhees (the hockey mask guy for those who dunno). It's an unnecessary stressful question, which by right no one should ask you aside from God Himself.

I still get ticked off when I think about it. Both are equally important to me; one is my friend and the other is my boyfriend. Now, if the situation persists on me making a choice, this is my priority; 1st is my family, 2nd comes friends and lastly, my boyfriend. When I am married, my husband will then come second. However, the question/decision will be asked/made by me and me alone.

Back to the question. So what choice did I make? I chose to limit my contact with said 'friend'. Why? That is how I am when come face to face with this kind of person. I will automatically not choose the person who asked such a question because I now see that my 'friend' has placed a limit on me, a bar. A real true friend would not hinder or place obstacles in one's path. A true blue friend will help and guide you over the many stones and fences in life, or if unable to, will offer a listening ear. In my view, this friend is trying to make me do things I do not want to, and if I don't do what she wants, she will severe our friendship.

We are no longer children in our early days of pre-school, whereby the most dreaded sentence is "If you friend her, I don't friend you." We are adults learning how to negotiate, to adapt, to give and take, bla bla bla. If you don't like it, move on. Just like the many consumers who may not like MacD's moving on to Burger King or the many investors who may bypass Malaysia and go for Singapore instead. It's no big deal, it's life.

So ever since my 'friend' discovered that I still retain my relationship with my boyfriend, she has no longer contacted me in any way. And surprisingly, I find it to be a relief, like a huge burden is off my shoulder. She has moved on and so will I... once this stupid haunting question is out of my brain, hopefully in time for New Year. Wooohooo!!!!

Steel & Skin

The deal between my skin & the steel has ended...after months of keeping the pact. I now grow afraid of what might come next...what might happen next.