Understand

Kubala khan tugi thiuer nguuung ghoss ghurr wook ghapoi jund caakl premoytenk huqtooobghi froocjlop mnyu hur ie y -----------------------

Understand anything written up there?

When my collegemates and I went off to Australia, we met up with a girl from Mauritius (hope I spelt that right). Unlike us, she didn't come with a batch of friends and classmates so she was pretty much alone. We hung out quite a lot. Language wasn't a barrier as we all speak English. Of course, being Malaysians, we always have the tendency of mixing our English with bits of Malay, which is fine occassionally.

However, there was a guy who kept talking in pure Malay and at times, my dear friends forgot that our Mauritian friend didn't understand and couldn't follow our conversations. My friend and I had to keep translating for her. Translating for her is not a problem, but ever wonder how she feels? Alone among people she thought were friends, alone because some of us never thought about the one solitary figure in the group who doesn't understand our language.

Remember those words at the beginning? That's what I hear most of the time; words I don't understand which eventually lead to a buzzing sound in my ears until I tune them out. Loneliness in a group, that's how I feel most of the time.

With some of my friends, although we are of different races, we tend to favour the English Language. I remember the collegemates I hung out with; we were a mix group from Indonesia, Phillipines, and of course, Malaysia. Majority of us speak Chinese and yet we still converse in English to make sure all of us understand. Even with some of my ex-colleagues, majority Indians or Malays, we still spoke English.

But there are some who, perhaps, don't remember that I don't understand their language. I remember once, I was the only Malay in a group of friends. I regret to say that throughout the entire time, I didn't understand a single word that came out from their mouths. I don't understand the conversation, I don't understand the game they were playing, nothing. I was basically an outcast. Sad to say, that wasn't the first time nor was it the last time.

Unfortunately, I didn't get any support from him. He didn't understand and till today, he still doesn't understand how I feel. What hurts the most is when he said, "You're just one person". I have friends who have partners of a different race and I sometimes wonder if they have the same language barrier like me when they hang out with their partner's friends.

I guess unless you've been in the same shoes, you wouldn't understand. Actually, you most probably won't even realize that you are speaking a language someone right in front of you don't understand.

I envy my brother. Although he is often the only Malay among his group of friends, they respect him enough to speak in a common language. Same with my mom. Her friends respect her enough to ensure that when they're together, they eat at halal places or refrain from eating non-halal food. The same amount of respect is also given to vegetarians, Buddhists who don't eat beef, and so on and so forth.

Does that mean I am not deserving enough of respect from my friends? At times, it feels as though I am only a burden to them, being the odd one out. Just a nuisance. This has been going on for so long that my head and heart aches everytime I go out, and the problem is...I can't even tell him. When I did tell him, he denies it and is just unable to understand. Maybe my family is right, maybe this is just not meant to be.

Talk about being MIA

Man, have I been out of action or what? I mean, my Friendster is like totally un-updated. I even forgot I had one. With my mind (what mind?) caught up in so many stuff, I can't even remember to check my mail, my Friendster, even my mailbox (the physical one that comes attached to a house). Speaking of which, I think there was an Astro bill inside. Shit, I better pay it before my Astro gets cut.. for the third time.

Yes, yes, yes, my cousins, I do hear your screams of "Where's our pictures??!! Give us the pictures nooooowwwwww, or suffer the consequences!!" Once I get my head straight (when does that ever happen?), I'll send them to you, as usual, through your Friendster. Just hope some of you remember to make some room in your Friendster album. I think I also have pictures for my high-school buddies. Maybe I should deform the pictures first before I send them, muahahahahhaha!!! Add Jean's head to a little penguin body, attach some flies buzzing around Ah Si, some feathered handcuffs to Joon.... urkk.. let go.. of.. my.. neck.. pls.. fine, no modifications. :(

Anyway, if you did mail me or msg me or whatever, give me a nudge once in a while to make sure (1) I'm still alive, (2) that I reply you, (3) hmmm, is there a 3?