Father's Day 2009

It's hard to be a good daughter when your father doesn't live with you, when your father has moved out from the house since your early teenage years, when your father has another family.

My parents are not divorced by law, they are merely separated. I'm sure that there are many other children in the world who are faced or have faced the same or similar situation as mine. The thing is, how do each of us handle it?

Unlike some fathers, I should be thankful that my dad, at the very least, still support us financially and still tries to maintain a communication line between us. However, it still seems unfair to me that the kids on the other side are able to see him everyday and go on holidays with him while we only see him once every few weeks or so. We would see him more often if it wasn't for his other wife, but that's a story for another day.

So how am I spending Father's Day with a father I don't really know? What did I buy for him? Well, for starters, we're going to see him for a while at his house. For gifts, I bought him some wooden stationary from Arch, they have really good stuff. I usually give him pictures and photos of us because he doesn't have any of us, but ever since his other wife harshly commented on this, I decided to stop for awhile to shut her up. Other than that, we got nothing else planned.

My dad would like his other family and us to get along but how do you get along with a woman who stole your dad from your mom, who got pregnant out of wedlock and thereby forced your dad to marry her, and who make snide remarks and complaints whenever your dad is not around? How do you get along with step-siblings who obviously was not taught the Malay culture of being respectful to guests and elders? Like most other people with a step-family, it's hard to the point of being impossible for the two, or even three and four, families to get along. Those with good step-mother, -father and -family should be thankful.

Anyway, for this Father's Day, I still want to wish all fathers, young and old, a very happy Father's Day. However, I have a piece of advice to give to them.

If you really love your children, don't marry another woman unless your children agree to it and unless your children can live harmoniously with her, and unless you are able to treat all parties fairly. Many times, Malay men in particular abuse the Islamic religion that enables them to marry up to four wives. They always fail to remember that this four-wives entitlement is only to those who are fit financially and emotionally, to those who are able to support all wives and children fairly and equally. They never remember this!

My dad does not realize the emotional stress he puts on me back when he and my mom were fighting, and now when he tries to push the reluctant families together. If you truly love your children, then do not submit them to the same emotional stress that I have been through and am still going through.

So.....to my dad, whom I don't even know his favourite colour, whom I don't even know if he wears a tie to work, and many other seemingly minor yet important details, Happy Father's Day.