Change of Gender

No, I am not having a sex change if that's what you guys are thinking. I just had a somewhat life-changing information given to me. You know how some fishes have no gender and some fishes can change genders? Well, apparently, cats can change gender too. I'm serious.

I went to Australia for a holiday and left my cats in the care of my vet. When I came back, my vet handed me Pablo, the adult cat, and then said, 'Oh, yeah, your other cat, Ayu, is a male.'

I just went like, 'Huh?! Really??!!' What is it with me and male cats? I was sooooo happy when I first got Ayu from my cousins, coz she's really pretty and I was so happy to finally get a female cat. And she turns out to be a 'he'. Sigh, I wonder, if I didn't send Ayu to be castrated, how long would it have taken me to find out his actual gender?

So now Ayu is called Ayun. Yeah, yeah, weird name. My mom was the one who renamed him. Sigh, sometimes when I look at Ayun, I just feel so frustrated. I mean, he acts like a girl, he sounds like a girl, he even looks like a girl. Now I got 2 male cats. No wonder Pablo hated him so much when Ayun first came into the house. He must have known that Ayun was male, and was probably thinking, 'Why the heck is my owner bringing another male into the house?'

I want a female cat. Wahhh!!!!!

The brown tabby is Pablo, my first cat, and the white one is the gender-changing Ayun.

Another Year Older

It's my birthday today and I have turned another year older. It's funny but I don't feel like I've matured at all. I still feel and act like a kid, which I know bugs some people 'coz they think I don't know anything about the world.

Anyway, let's not get into any bad stuff. It's my birthday and I want it to be a happy day. First of all, I like to thank everyone who remembered my birthday and wished me. I was actually very surprised to receive so many SMSes, especially from those I haven't heard in a while. It's nice to know that although you haven't met someone for a long time, they still remember you. Thank you very much.

I finally got a digital camera of my own. I used to share one with my sibling but the camera is long gone now, hidden somewhere I can't find. So I had to use this old camera my dad gave me for my birthday a loooong time ago, but I love it dearly. My friend told me that I was still in prehistoric era 'coz I'm still using a film camera. Well, now I can actually join them in the modern era with my new Sony digital camera. Yeahhhh!!!! I got some other neat stuff too and I love them all.

Truth be told, I really didn't expect to have lived this long 'coz I remember how I was back when I was younger. I guess you need to take life a step at a time and stop to take a deep breath whenever you come across something you can't really handle. I really like to thank my dear friend who taught me alot and who has been there for me all this time, even through my crazy phase. He is truly a great friend and I am truly blessed to have him in my life.

I hope that I've actually learnt something in the past year leading to my new age. I hope to have matured somewhat and yet still retain my youthfulness in both mind and body. I hope to be well and happy as I go through life, and I hope to be strong in heart and mind. I also hope to share my years ahead with my loved ones, both family and friends, because without them, I don't think I could have lasted this long.

So, on my birthday, to all who has been there for me through thick and thin, let us have a good and long life.

CHEERS!!!

Welcome, 2006

The year 2005 has come and gone, and the birth of the new year, 2006, has arrived. I hope all of you have had a wonderful new year celebration with your loved ones. I spent my new year with my friends, who were playing mah jong, and who taught me how to play mah jong. It's addictive. Hahahah!!

For the past few new years, I did not go out to celebrate. Instead I stayed home by myself, watching TV, or playing my PS2 games or just bumming around, reading a book. So this year is abit special to me as I got to spend it with my friends. I have not been spending time with friends for the past few years ever since that incident, but I hope this new year will change that, and truth be told, I can already see the changes.

2005 has some bitter moments as well as its sweet ones for me. I lost a friend. My family found out one of the skeletons in my closet. I had mental and emotional breakdowns. Identity crisis. My dad's insistence and pressure on pushing my step-family and my family together. But 2005 is not all bad. I finally let out and laid to rest one of my biggest crush. I re-newed my friendships with my high school friends. I finally managed to go on a trip with some of my friends. I took a big step and went into a world so unknown to me. My mom and I have somewhat improved our relationship. I became the aunt to the most adorable baby in the world. I am the proud owner of the best vehicle in Malaysia (in my opinion). And these are just the ones at the top of my head.

In 2006, I hope to achieve many things, many dreams, many solutions. I hope to be braver and stronger in both heart and mind. I hope to be able to work toward my dream. I hope to settle certain complications I have been facing. But most of all, I hope to always be close to my loved ones, family and friends, and to love and be loved by them. And I hope that God will keep my family and friends healthy and safe always.

Happy New Year and may the new year bring you prosperity, health and happiness.

Selamat Hari Raya

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri Mulia
Maaf Zahir dan Batin

Kepada semua keluargaku dan sahabatku yang beragama Islam, saya ucapkan Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri, dan maafkanlah zahir dan batinku. Semoga anda semua sihat selalu dan semoga kehidupan anda penuh dengan cukup sukacita untuk berhidup gembira dan cukup dukacita untuk mengingati kemanusiaanmu. Berayalah dengan sepuas-puas hatimu tetapi janganlah keterlaluan sehingga makan tidak boleh bergerak.

Kepada rakan-rakanku dan saudaraku yang berada di luar negara (Alisa) pada masa ini, kami sentiasa mengingatimu pada hari yang mulia ini. Janganlah bersedih sebab tidak berada dengan keluarga tetapi nikmatilah peristiwa perayaan ini di negara lain. Ingatlah bahawa Raya bukannya boleh disambut pada Hari Raya Aidilfitri sahaja sebab setiap hari kami bersamamu adalah Hari Raya yang mulia. Jagailah dirimu sehingga kami bertemu kembali. Sekali lagi, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri dan Maaf Zahir dan Batin.

Apples & Oranges

Ok, this entry might make no sense whatsoever, but just bear with me, alrite? Warning: mindless babbling is inevitable. If you can't take the nonsense, you are welcome to stop reading.

Picture this scenario. Let's say there are two fruits; an apple and an orange. And let's say you're holding an apple, which you love and have always eaten, but you also want the orange, which you really like but rarely get the chance to eat. You have only one choice and can only pick one fruit. Which would you pick? Would you put the apple down and take the orange? Or would you stick with your apple?

Depending on the person (personality, way of thinking, mindset, etc), he/she would pick either the apple or the orange. Someone who dislikes change would stick with the apple 'coz it's comforting and familiar. Someone who likes to have a change of taste would pick up the orange instead 'coz it's different from the norm and something that he/she rarely gets. But this scenario is not mind-boggling or life-changing. I mean, you can always buy the apple or the orange today and come back the next day to get the other fruit. No big deal.

But let's say that there is only one apple and one orange left in the whole wide world, and you have only enough money to get one fruit. Which would you pick? Would you take the apple, which you love, because you want keep it with you forever and ever ('coz it's the last apple in the world)? Or would you take the orange, which you really like, because you rarely get it and you really want to eat it? Or would you buy one fruit and slip the other into your pocket?

Common sense would tell you to pick the apple 'coz you love it. Being the only and last one in the world and something dear to you, you would want to keep it with you forever. But common sense would also tell you to pick the orange 'coz you really like it and want to taste it. Being the only and last one in the world and something rare to you, you would also want to keep it with you. So which would you pick? The apple or the orange? Me, I can't make a choice (I don't think stealing one of the fruits is 'ethical' so that's not an option) so I'll be standing there, holding the apple in my hand and trying to make a decision until someone comes alone to steal my apple or take the orange, or both, away.

Old Friends

It is always nice to re-establish friendships that you once thought were lost. Of course, it's nice to re-establish them if the friendships weren't shattered by backstabbing, rumours, jealousy, and the like. I guess I should be thankful, no, scratch that, I am thankful that I had the chance to become reacquainted with some friends that I thought I would not see again.

Seriously, I thought I was doomed to be 'friendless' for the rest of my life. It doesn't help your self-esteem after going through two boycotts and one best-friend-turned-backstabber (okay, I might be exaggerating on the backstabbing part but I don't know what other words to use). You tend to think that there's something seriously wrong with you when so many people just reject your presence from their life. But it's nice to know that there are still some people out there, aside from my family, who sincerely wants my company.

I admit sometimes I feel scared, cautious actually, of those who re-established their friendships with me. I tend to think, 'What do they want from me now?' or 'What are they planning?' A defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt again, I guess. It takes a while to acknowledge and accept the fact that they want to be friends with me without any strings attached. I sound like an old scrooge, ahahhahah!!!

But I am happy. Just one phone call from an old friend was enough to keep me in a happy mood throughout the night. Just a short night out with an old friend was enough to remind me what I had been missing. Just an SMS from an old friend was enough to tell me that I do have friends who accept me as I am.

Blogging?

I don't particularly like having my private thoughts and opinions read by people I know or who know me. I like the anonymity to be able to write freely and without worrying whether I'll offend anyone or say something wrong. Humans are sensitive and cunning beings; whatever I write or say might offend the people I know, or be misunderstood, or be used against me, and I find it, to put it mildly, annoying. But that's what makes us humans. Nothing can change that.

Thus, I hope you understand where I'm coming from. It's nothing personal. It's more of a safety-catch. :) I blog elsewhere so if you find me, you're welcome to read it. Mayhaps I will use this blog sometimes, if I feel like it. In the meantime, please have a wonderful life and do take care.