Unique Individuals

There are many wonders in this world and I believe humans are the most wondrous being on Earth simply because everyone is a unique individual. No two people are exactly the same, even twins. However, what I think makes humans the subject of atttention is the sheer stupidity they sometimes have, even with all that brain power God has generously given.

I received this in my email the other day and it simply must be shared. Not because it's fun to laugh at people or to put these people in a bad light. I'm posting it because at one time or other, I'm sure we ALL have gone through a similar situation before, including me. Enjoy. :D

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One day, I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!'  Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where???'

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While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, 'Does the sun rise  in the north?' When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh, I don't  keep up with that stuff.'

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My colleague and I  were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach. She drove down in a convertible, but 'didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving'.

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I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half  kilogram sirloin. She informed me they only had an 500g sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 500g steak instead of the half-kilogram.

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My sister has a  lifesaving tool in her car, it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk...

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My friends and I  were on a Lager run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....

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I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, 'Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?'  I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...

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I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me, 'Has your plane arrived yet?'...

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While working at a pizza parlour, I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4  pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

What I found hilarious was the sentence right at the end of the e-mail. Someone wrote: "Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!!!" :lol:

The Fastest and Funniest Management Course

In the business world, it seems almost every manager is trying to motivate himself/herself and their employees by seeking out and applying the newest and latest method in management. How we have seen as time and time again, a new management guru appears, driving new theories and new ways to motivate and inspire the business organization only to be replaced with yet another newer guru. Well, I found a faster and entertaining way to learn management which I'm sure will transcend the ages.

While waiting idly for my friend, I was browsing through a magazine called 'The Address' when I came across the '2-minute Management Course'. I don't know who came up with it, but it's a must for sharing. :-D

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Lesson 1

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!"  says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

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Lesson 2

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered, "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

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Lesson 3

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull, "they're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

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I hope you learned something from this short management course. If not, well, I bet you definitely got a laugh out of it. :D

Joke: The Onion and the Christmas Tree

It's nice to get a joke you haven't heard before and that makes you laugh out loud. And here's one to share with you that I got from my fun-loving uncle.

THE ONION AND THE CHRISTMAS TREE

The family is sitting at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there?" The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round & firm. In her thirties & forties, they are like pears, still nice, but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, you see them, and they make you cry."

This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter says, "Mom, how many types of "willies" are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willie is like an oak tree, mighty and hard... In his thirties & forties, it's like a birch tree, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." 

"A Christmas tree??"

"Yes, dear, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only."

Haha!! (^O^) Haha!!