How to Behave at a Wedding

I have been to my fair share of weddings over the years, weddings of relatives, friends and strangers. My most recent one is my friend's brother's wedding where I helped out as an usher. I noticed, after this latest event, most Malaysians are not aware of how to behave at weddings. Here's a list of what NOT to do when attending a wedding:-

• Let me tell you why RSVP is important. When weddings are held at halls or hotel ballrooms, the tables are limited and are often assigned to selected names. When you are invited and you RSVPed yourself and your wife, there will only be 2 of your names listed at an assigned table. If you choose to bring another guest or your children without informing the invitees, you have caused the problem of the organizers having to reshuffle the tables and names, or open another table, which will cost them more money. You also create the problem of the organizers having to shuffle the other guests at your table to be seated elsewhere simply to accommodate your selfish, thoughtless self. So (1) When a wedding requires you to RSVP, kindly do RSVP and inform the total number of attendees. Even though the invitation says 'Mr Name and Wife', if you're bringing your children, tell the invitees that they will be, what, 3, 4 of you attending. DON'T arrive at the wedding hall bringing other uninformed guests.

• Unless you are family members or the organizers, you do not have to right to decide where other guests sit. I encountered a lady who put it upon herself to redirect where people sit, even though she is not a family member or an organizer. Because of her, we faced the problem of having to reshuffle not one, but two tables of guests to other tables. So (2) If you have been assigned to a table, please sit at that table. If you wish to sit elsewhere or with friends, if there is space or lack of guests, it is fine. If not, you can mingle with your friends later.

• Another 'mistake' I've noticed is minimal but it does happen. Unless it is a dress code, guests, please DO NOT wear white. You're at someone else's wedding, not your own, so let the bride have the honour of being the only one to wear full-on white, even if she does decide to wear another colour. I encountered a lady wearing all white, and she was the only guest to do so, which set her apart from the rest and also garnered the attention which should have been on the bride. So (3) Refrain from wearing a full white outfit (it's not your wedding), or a full black outfit (it's not a funeral). If you are wearing white or black, set it off with another colour, either a scarf or jacket.

• The happy couple and their family extended their invitations to you to join them on their happy day. It is rude if you choose to leave early without giving thanks to the family. I have seen many wedding guests doing what I call the 'eat-and-run'; they come to the wedding, they eat their fill and leave without congratulating the family. So (4) If you really need to leave early (because of a meeting the next day or something), then kindly say thanks to the family before taking leave. If you don't need to leave urgently, then kindly stay until the ceremonies are over. After all, it is only polite.

These are but a few basic behavioural rules when attending a wedding, but some guests are either unaware of it or simply don't care for it. It will help relieve alot of headaches if guests could just kindly be more considerate towards the family and the other guests. Keep in mind that you would feel the same way if the guests at your wedding or your loved one's wedding behave in those inconsiderate ways.

Single Me Out

Do you remember all those chic lit books you read or see in the bookstore? How the late-20s or 30-something woman starts off alone with no boyfriend (or  is divorced) and tries to find her place, her meaning, in life when all her other friends are either happily married (or simply married), or have wonderful boyfriends, or have successful careers? How she feels that she's such a failure in life, work and relationships? If you still can't grasp the plot, well, have you watched the movie 'Bridget Jones's Diary'? Yes, that is exactly what I'm trying to describe.

A lot of people laugh at such stories, finding it ridiculous, pathetic and totally unreal. They find the unhappiness the single woman feel as grossly exaggerated, her attempts to find love as unbelievably sad, and her story.....well, nearly impossible to be true. But these women I'm describing.....they do exist.

This new year of 2009 has A L O T of weddings. As of this moment, I have already attended one and know of three more that will happen within these year. Do you realize that weddings are depressing for some people? It's not that you're not happy for your friends and families who have found their, hopefully, lifetime spouse. You're delighted for them, but at the same time, you can't help but feel sad and sorry for yourself. There you are, around the same age as your friend/relative (or God forbid, older) but you're still alone, unmarried. And it doesn't help that you have those people who just have to come up to you and ask, "So, when's your turn?" It's the equivalent to people asking married couples when they're gonna have children; it's just irritating and an unnecessary stress.

If being single at a wedding isn't bad enough, imagine being in a relationship at a wedding. Watching someone else walk up the aisle will more often than not trigger the question, "When will that be me?" As the relationship goes on (if you're in one), you start to wonder, 1) is he/she the right one for me?, 2) is he/she even serious about me?, 3) will he/she marry me? So many questions, so little time.

It's even worse for women. There's the teasing of being an 'old maid' and there's also that ever-present matter of your 'biological clock' for those who want children. When you reach a certain age, you feel that there's no more time to waste. You feel like shaking and asking that partner of yours, "Hey, are serious about me or not? Don't waste my time!"

Sometimes I wish relationships were clear-cut, easy, simple, straight-to-the-point. Some relationships I've seen and heard seem so much easier. Take my cousin for instance. The man she married has made it clear from the beginning, way before he was even in a relationship with her, that he wanted to marry her. She had nothing to worry about and could continue the relationship comfortably, knowing that he's not going to just pack up and leave one day, saying, "I don't think we're going to work out."

I wish some people would be better in making their partner feel more secure in their relationship. Perhaps when you meet the right guy/girl, you won't feel so bad. The question is, when will you find the right one for you?