Movie Review: The Big Short

*Let it be known, where there are reviews, there are spoilers.

Based on the 2010 book of the same title by Michael Lewis, The Big Short follows the events that led to the 2007-2008 financial crisis caused by the U.S. credit and housing market collapse.

Although The Big Short has a considerable all-star cast, locally the movie did not generate much response. Most likely due to its plot, which is more relatable to American citizens, or its subject matter, which non-financial individuals might find too complicated for their taste.

However, even with my limited knowledge of the housing and financial market, the movie did quite well in trying to explain some aspects of it. Using celebrities such as Anthony Bourdain and Selena Gomez, these sudden snippets managed to add some fun and liveliness in what could have been a long and dry 2-hour-plus movie. These bits are fairly short and far in between, but entertaining nevertheless.

As is famous with many Hollywood movies in recent years, The Big Short follows several characters as they each discover the instability of the housing market and the prediction of an immense economical breakdown. The movie swaps between the characters' stories constantly but is still easy enough to follow.

The actor you will probably remember the most after the movie is Steve Carell, who plays Mark Baum. As a well-known comedian, it is hard to identify the constantly angry, cynical hedge fund manager as the same actor in Get Smart and Evan Almighty. But Carell carries his role very well and as his story progresses, you find yourself feeling sympathetic towards him and start believing in his cause to take down the big banks.

Michael Burry (Christian Bale)

The least memorable for me is Christian Bale as Michael Burry, the first to discover the unstable housing market and the one who started the bets against the market. It is not a reflection of him or his real-life character, but perhaps the other roles were much more powerful compared to his somewhat weird yet subdued personality. His way of thinking is really interesting, though, and how he sticks to his guns amidst the pressure from all parties is admirable.

If it wasn't for the many times I have seen Brad Pitt's profile, I would have completely missed him in the movie. He was almost unrecognisable with all his facial hair. Similar to Mark Baum, Brad Pitt's character, Ben Rickert, is also disgusted with the corrupted financial institutions but is less vocal about it (and much more paranoid as seen by his methods of concealment).

Trying to film in the past is always hard, especially when you're filming on the streets and have outside factors interfering and revealing the true year. Here are some goofs that IMDB (the Internet Movie DataBase) noticed from the movie.

I would say that it is an educational movie that documents the unforeseen and highly unexpected fall of one of the most 'secure' markets. Other than that, it is a good documentary of the greed of men and how, as is the case with most political and economical situations in the current world, easy it is to sweep away all morals and principles when huge profits are imminent.

The movie will leave you feeling smart (hey, you actually learnt something historical) yet it will shake your belief in 'the system' as the conclusion will reveal that nothing had changed, even after the complete economy collapse caused by the huge scale of fraud.

Ben Rickert (a.k.a Brad Pitt in the film): If we're right, people lose homes. People lose jobs. People lose retirement savings, people lose pensions. You know what I hate about fucking banking? It reduces people to numbers. Here's a number - every 1% unemployment goes up, 40,000 people die, did you know that?

Food Review: Nescafe Smoovlatte

The other night, while satisfying my craving for snacks, I ran across something new in 7-Eleven; Nescafe Smoovlatte.

Nescafe Smoovlatte

Now, I used to love Nescafe but I stopped drinking it a few years ago when it started to make me kinda gag. So I was hesitant when I bought it, but...call me curious. :)

It was a pleasant surprise. I was expecting a taste like one of those tinned cans of Nescafe Mocha, Nescafe Latte or Nescafe Original but it's much better than that.

It was smooth (duh, it's called Smoovlatte) and you can taste a hint (just a slight hint) of nuttiness but lots of milk. It doesn't really have that strong coffee smell that makes coffee-lovers perk up even though the bottle says it's aromatic, but maybe that's because it's in a bottle.

It's quite a small bottle, only 190ml but it's enough to fill a cup of coffee. Calorie count-wise, it's a little bit high at 110 kcal which is more than the coffee I usually drink. Cost-wise, I think it's quite on the expensive side at RM3.00 at 7-11 (it's RM2.79 at Cold Storage). Its tin counterparts are bigger at 240ml and is around the RM2.00 price range. Maybe the bottle costs more? In my opinion, I think it costs more because they're marketing it in a high-class image, just like Nescafe Gold.

Personally, I think it's much better than the other prepackaged Nescafe drinks, and even better than the Nescafe Dolce Gusto coffees but I wouldn't buy it on a regular basis due mostly to the price and because I like my coffee with a more nuttier taste.

But if you want a change, give it a try, but buy it from Cold Storage; it's cheaper. :D

Sometimes...2

Sometimes, you find yourself getting so fed up with the human race and their endless emotional turmoil. There are times you find your counterparts' complaints and sensitive feelings petty and not worth a second of your time, especially when they seem to be constantly attacking you, your actions and your character. It's at times like these you feel as though you are better off alone and in certain cases, some might actually start to distance themselves from their friends, family or society in general (like a practice attempt to become a hermit :-D ).

Let's face it, friends fight, families argue, even unknown strangers can just ruin your entire day by being totally rude to you for no apparent reason. Some people are fortunate enough to not be bothered by this 'verbal diarrhea' (yes, this phrase does exist, ahaha, check it out here) or are too close to allow any quarrels to ruin their relationship. However, for others, there is a limit to how much verbal and emotional abuse they can take before they snap, either by retorting or by isolating themselves.

Yes, humans can be boring, constantly repeating their woes, their stresses. Humans can be 'so lah drama' (so true :laugh: ). Humans can be insensitive to the feelings of others, only paying attention to their need to vent to anyone, even if that unfortunate person doesn't deserve it. We can go on and on about the negativity of the human race, BUT...that is part of what we are, it is a no-refund-or-exchange package of a human. We cannot totally absolve our emotional trauma, we can only hope to squash it a little or learn to control it better. Some are able to do it better than most or are only able to do so after years of trial and error while some just simply don't bother.

I've had my fair share of being the brunt of people's verbal diarrhea; sometimes it's just them letting out some steam but more often than not, it's a 'constructive conversation' (a polite term of 'critical continuous attack' ) on my being. I wish they would just take a step back and look at themselves first before they keep pointing out my flaws. I'm not perfect but then again.....neither are you.

Attempting to see the positive side of it is not easy so I prefer thinking of a more humorous side of this particular situation, which I find much much easier to handle. :giggle: I remember this story I read in Robert Allen's '365 Pep Talks from Buddha' and I quote:-

Two monks were disputing an obscure point of the dharma. One began to get angry and, as he made his points, his voice got louder and louder. At last the other said, "I admit that your arguments are sound." Satisfied, the belligerent monk walked off. "Nothing but sound," muttered the other monk to himself.

It's true that most emotional outbursts are just sounds and it's true that any words we deem unworthy of our time or unsuitable for our 'delicate' ears are just noise, but it's more about how we handle our own drama and how we handle hearing other people's drama. I try to use humour to diffuse negative feelings whenever I'm confronted by people. 8-) Here's hoping that you have your own, and perhaps better, way of dealing it.

Double Meaning English

You know as well as I do that there are times when you simply don't realize what you're saying until someone starts laughing at you. It doesn't mean you're ignorant or anything, sometimes people can't help but think 'blue thoughts' when they hear certain words or phrases. Let's face it, we all have a hidden pervert somewhere deep down inside of us. :blush: Here are some instances when our well-meaning English just went haywire.

* * *

M was talking on the phone with a meat supplier. She was trying to purchase a turkey for an event and her 'blue headed' colleague, Mr S, was listening in on her side of the conversation.

M: Do you think you can supply us with a turkey for this event we're holding? Yeah, but I need to know...uh-huh, alrite. How big is your bird? No, I need to know how big your bird is. Yeah, how big is your bird?

Mr S was just guffawing away until M realized what exactly she kept repeating to the male supplier on the phone.

* * *

On a shopping trip, M saw a t-shirt that she thought was really cute. Holding it up to herself, she saw that the t-shirt was too big for her so she called the girl sales assistant over.

M: Do you have an 'S'? Can I see your 'S' please? (At this point, M's friend started laughing aloud at what he just heard with his 'dirty' ears.)

Sales assistant: Yes, yes, I will show you the 'S'. (Hearing this, M's friend started laughing even harder.)

* * *

While driving towards our destination, my friends and I were discussing which road was the best to take. Either direction would take us to the same destination and as I was the driver, it didn't matter to me as I was familiar with both roads.

So I said, "I can go both ways. Either way also can. No problem for me."

Suddenly, my friend, S, started giggling in the backseat, tickled by the fact that I was perhaps talking about my sexual relationship preferences.

* * *

Hanging out with my cousins at an eatery, we were munching on french fries when one cousin started to cut the long french fries into bite sizes.

S: No, don't cut them. I like long ones.

A: But it's easier to eat them when they're short.

N: I like them short. So S can have the long ones, give me the short ones.

It took us about a second to realize what our conversation sounded like and we started laughing at ourselves.

* * *

A family was celebrating their child's birthday and had balloons blown up for the occasion at an eatery.

The father, who was holding a balloon, looked at his young son and said, "Look at my balloon. My balloon so small. Wah, look at yours. Your balloon so big, bigger than mine."

My cousins and I, who were sitting at the next table, had to refrain from laughing at the 'double meaning' we heard in his words.

* * *

Driving back from a short outing, my cousin and I ended up talking about balloons and the sound they make when you rub them.

A: Oooh, I cannot. I'm scared of balloons. Scared they will pop.

Me: How can you be scared of balloons? You love blowing balloons.

Glancing at each other, we broke out in loud laughter inside the car.

* * *

Yes, some of the instances are very lame and most people won't even realize the implications. ?:-) But then, sometimes you just get into that state of mind when everything said seems to have a 'dirty' element/meaning in it. :sidefrown:

Sometimes...

Sometimes, you find yourself at a very low point in your life. It can be a time when nothing seems to go your way. It can be a time when you feel like the biggest failure in the world. It can be a time when you start to think, "What's the point of living?" It can be a time when you feel yourself start to crumble and unable to pick up the pieces, unable to get up again (kinda like Humpty Dumpty ;-)).

It is normal. Many people have experienced this feeling before. Some are lucky to have someone to lean on or even better, someone to help pick up the pieces, glue them back together and push them up. Others might not be as fortunate or may actually refrain from accepting or asking help from others. Everyone works in their own way, handling their life in whichever way they think is best for them. Asking for help doesn't make one weaker than others, not asking for help doesn't make one stronger than the rest either.

Anyway, when you feel this low, when you feel like a failure, you tend to forget that you have done some really great (ok, if not great, good then) things in your life. Just look around your room and I'm sure you have some mementos or keepsakes that bear good memories. Trophies and medals won during school competitions, certificates of education, acknowledgments of participation in activities, pictures of your travels, some writings you have done, heck, even small stuffed dolls won at funfairs count too. You'll be amazed at how much you have done and achieved once you lean back from your misery and take a good look around.

Sure, some would say, "But those are really small things. I didn't achieve something great like winning a nobel prize, or become a famous celebrity or a rich successful businessman." But then again, who decides what makes you successful? Who decides what makes you great? Being rich doesn't necessarily make you a great person, being famous doesn't necessarily mean happiness. It's all in your own perspective, choose your own path to what fulfills you. If you keep looking at what other people are doing, when will you have time to look at yourself and make your own success, be it richness or a close-knit family?

When I feel low (as low as a snake's belly), I like to remember this particular story I read in Robert Allen's '365 Smiles from Buddha' and I quote:-

A certain king called together his wise men and commanded them to have a magic ring made for him. It should cheer him up when he was unhappy, but when things were going well, it should stop him from getting proud and overbearing. They went away and puzzled over the problem for a long time. At last someone had a bright idea. A gold ring was brought to the king and on it were engraved the words, "This too shall pass."

Those four words help me alot whenever I'm down (I tend to focus on the negative, not so much on the positive unfortunately :laugh: and that phrase is kind of like my mantra).

And so, I would look around my room, note the accomplishments I have done so far and I find that life doesn't seem so bleak after all. I find that I'm not such a failure after all and that I am still capable of success, in my own way, in my own terms. Thus, the phrase above comes to mind and I know that this feeling of inadequacy will pass. :victory: Here's hoping that your sadness will pass too.

As I Sit Here...10

As I sit here, at Kiz Sport & Gym in One Utama, I watch as my 4-year old nephew (soon to be 5) come running up to me from his bouts in the playground.

"Auntie, I want Milo," he says.

"I want Milo, please," I tell him, still trying to educate him on politeness.

"I want Milo, pleeeeease," he repeats after me, stretching the last word. "I- I want Milo so I can grow big."

"Why you want to grow big?" Excuse my English, I am, after all, talking to a 4-year old whose native tongue is Bahasa Malaysia.

"I want...I want to be bigger than my friend." I glance over at his friend/classmate, who is a white boy with a build that is bigger and taller than my slightly slim and small nephew. I dig out my purse and listen with half an ear as my nephew proceeds to tell me how he wants to be stronger and taller so he wants to drink Milo everyday.

As I watch him run off with my RM10 note to the food counter, I start to wonder why my nephew thought Milo would help him grow bigger. Then I remember my own experience, also involving Milo.

When I was in primary school, we had a mini inter-class race. I remember spurring on one of my teammates in particular because she had eaten some Milo snacks (I think it was Milo nuggets or something) before the race. I was muttering, "C'mon, you can do it. After all, you ate Milo just now." Don't ask me the reasoning behind this; at that point in time, in my childish mind, I had some sort of belief that Milo has the power to make you run faster, be stronger, etc. When it came to my turn at the race, I sprinted, believing the whole time that I can zoom pass all the other kids because I had a 'Milo' edge. Don't ask me if we won 'coz I can't remember, haha!

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="192" caption="Nestle Milo (from www.deliver2u.com.my)"][/caption]

The thing is it's amazing how some advertisements can penetrate your conscious mind and it's even more amazing how the same product can span the generations  (case in point, me and my nephew) with the same belief; Minum Milo, Anda Jadi Sihat Dan Kuat (direct trans: Drink Milo, you'll be healthy and strong. The real English slogan is something like Nestle Milo Brings Out The Champion In You!) Makes me wonder what other advertisements have penetrated my mind without me knowing.

P.S: Do you know that Nestle came out with a Neslo sachet (Nescafe coffee with Milo, for those who dunno)? I still haven't tried it yet but I'm gonna give that and the Nescafe Tarik sachet a try as soon as I find them, yum!

Don't Talk To Me...

I have said this many, many, MANY times both verbally and in written words; there is always a reason for the things I do.

For example, if I don't wish to communicate with a certain person, it could be because he/she may have offended me in some way or he/she has hurt one of my family members. If I refuse to visit a certain place, it could be because I have had a bad experience or service there. If I do not comment or contribute to a conversation, it could be because I do not wish to hurt anyone's feelings or risk being misinterpreted. There is always a reason behind my actions.

So, when I say "Do not talk to me about issues on race, religion and politics", there is a reason behind it.

I despise talking about racial, religion and political topics because I have seen with my own eyes, I have heard with my own ears, how these issues can break a friendship, shatter a relationship, separate family members. A husband and wife can argue and sleep in separate rooms during a political election because each supports different parties. Two friends can start arguing and debating over religion and stop talking to each other because they both have their own interpretations and beliefs. A nation can be divided into groups all up in arms and accusing each other because of racial tension, each believing the other is wrong.

I find it sad.

There's only a handful of people who I can talk these three issues with and they are my brother, my cousin (Syahrir) and my friend (Kuek). Although we all have contrasting beliefs, we are mature enough to understand that we each see things differently and yet not take that to offense, and most importantly, we know when to stop talking about it if someone is feeling slightly hot under the collar.

I would love to be as diplomatic as possible. I would love to not accuse anyone without proper proof. I would love not to pass judgment on a race, a religion, a politician. I would love not to say anything that might hurt or offend the other party. Yet, I find that regardless what I say or not say, it is never good enough. If I speak my mind and say something, it's wrong. If I do not wish to comment and don't say anything, it's wrong as well. So what do you want from me?

Another thing that frustrates me alot about these types of conversation is how I always get the short end of the stick. How come you can say whatever you want, how come you can speak your mind, but I can't? How come you can say 'I don't appreciate the comment you made' and when I retaliate by saying 'I don't appreciate the comment you made either', you get all defensive? If you don't want to listen or acknowledge other people's perspective then don't bring up the issue, simple as that. I am not the enemy so there's no point in you getting all riled up at me when all I am doing is listening to you talk about something I do not wish, never wish, to delve in and contributing to the conversation based on my own opinions.

Also, in these types of conversations, you'll be amazed at the assumption people can make about you. Just because I am of a certain race and of a certain religion in a certain country, people can actually tell me that I don't 'see' what the other races and the other religions see because my race and my religion are getting the cream of the crop. So, am I justified in saying that because you are not of a certain race and you are not of a certain religion, you don't 'see' what I see? If it can go one way, it can go the other way too.

After living all these years and hearing so many things, I have learnt not to jump to the first conclusion I arrive to. That is why some people would notice that I often say, "Maybe it's not that reason", "Mayhaps it's not what you think it is", "Perhaps it's another group causing trouble but pinning the blame on another group", "Perhaps it's better to say it in a different way." Ever thought of that? Maybe not, I guess.

Don't, please don't, assume that you know how I think, know what I see, know what I hear, know what I say, when in fact, you don't know me at all. Just because I don't say certain things or don't agree with you or don't say things you want to hear, it doesn't mean I am incapable of putting myself in other people's shoes. It doesn't mean that you're right or you're wrong. It just means that we have different opinions, different perspectives, different beliefs, because we are two different people and we each should respect the fact that we have our own views. Let's just say we agree to disagree and be done with it.

This is why I love to write. It is only here, in my post, that I am able to say what I really want to say because this is my post, my blog. Some people love to talk about these three issues. They love to point out that they're right. They love to argue non-stop and vehemently debate the other party into silence, especially about race and religion. And this is what I think (and I have mentioned this before in Silence of War): Regardless what race, religion, political party or nationality you are, '...strip off your skin, your colour, your beliefs, your brain, and you are all the same. You all have two hands, two feet, two eyes, one nose, one mouth. You all feel pain, sorrow, happiness. You all cry and laugh.' To add to that, in my humbly low opinion, at the end of the day, all these differences, all these endless racial, religion and political fighting, all these 'you're wrong, I'm right' judgments won't matter once I'm dead and buried. Because then, only God can pass judgment.

It's The New Year, People

Here it is again, the last day of yet another year when people around the world gather to countdown the hours, minutes, seconds to a new year. This is also the time when people start to make resolutions and plans for the upcoming year, when people think back to the events, occasions and incidents of the past 12 months and moan or rejoice at their individual happenings. It is a sad yet joyous time; sad because another year has gone and joyous because a whole new chapter is starting.

What was 2009 for me? Hmmm, well, at the top of my head, I can only pull out one thought; this year saw the longest time I've ever been single ever since I started dating. Hahahah, yes, I know that's a weird thing to say but I finally got a whole lot of time just for myself, without worrying about a boyfriend and the problems that are attached to having one. And my conclusion? I'm enjoying it very much and frankly, I am much happier being single than when I was in a relationship. It just goes to prove that I am independent and able to stand on my own two feet without a man. ;-)

Anyway, 2009 was pretty much quite calm for me personally, aside from a break-up, a public love confession on my Facebook from a salesman and some minor drama here and there, but it was somewhat of a hell for some of the people close to me. Two of my best girls have had their hearts broken, one fortunately has resolved the matter while one is still being tortured almost on a daily basis by a stupid guy. I hope that the new year will be much better in terms of relationship for her. :kissing:

But it wasn't all bad for love in 2009. Many of my friends got married and another one of my best girls was proposed underwater, sooooo romantic!! :heart:

Although some people may think of me as wasting my time and life this past year, I really do think that I am much happier and calmer than I've been in a long time and to me, that's all that matters. My family has my back and if my mom, dad and brother are not complaining about what I'm doing then other people's opinions do not matter with me. And besides, I'm not borrowing any money from people to live (I have my own) so why should they care? :talktothehand:

But I think my biggest break-through for this year was the whole change of appearance. Gone is the long hair that has been hounding me since I started school, hello to a new short, and my cousins said sexy, haircut. Ever since I cut my hair, it's like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm more carefree, happy and light. :-)) Also I noticed I have more energy since I maintained my jogging routine and even managed to increase the number of rounds that I jog. I feel better these past few months and hope to maintain it in the next year.

Of course, with every year, there are windows of opportunities opening and also opportunities missed. My brother and I almost bought over a business, and although it was sad to let the chance go willingly, I guess after thinking about it intensely, that opportunity just wasn't for us.

What's in store for 2010? Well, looking at my calendar now, there are alot of weddings to attend as my best girls are getting married!!! :party: And I foresee pregnancies and babies next year too ;-). For me, I'll be traveling alot, one agenda on my list is the climb up Mt. Kinabalu. I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to climb all the way to the top!! :shout: Also, hopefully, the planned trip to Redang is on because I miss the island so much. Other than that, we'll see how the year goes. I'm back to my 'go with the flow' motto. :giggle:

So, with the new year, there's usually a New Year's resolution, right? Well, the past two years, my resolution was to take as many pictures as possible, which I have done, but this new year, I need to better myself in some way so I figured out what bugged me the most this year, which was doing favours for unappreciative people. So my New Year's resolution for 2010 is to try and stop doing favours for people who don't appreciate them or appreciate me. Trust me, there have been alot of it going on in 2009 and I've got to nip it in the butt. :reallypissed:

I hope everyone will have a safe and happy New Year celebration. Do not look back to the past but focus on the future that is coming your way. We all have alot more living to do so let's get to it!! :victory:

Happy New Year!!!

As I Sit Here...9

As I sit here, reading Sally Anne Morris’s ‘Trick or Treat’, I find myself noticing the last sentence in this paragraph; “Lucy nodded back self-consciously, aware of her puffy eyes and swollen nose. She was not a good-looking crier.” :weep:

I have come across that particular or similar line a few times in my fiction-reading history and it makes me wonder, (1) Should we be crying nicely? (2) Can we cry and maintain our immaculate face and make-up?

I mean, you cry when you’re sad, right? (Well, most of the time, I don’t count the times you cry from laughing so hard). So when you’re sad and you’re crying, won’t tears flow down your eyes? And don’t your nose and cheeks start to turn pink? Also, don’t your face kind of scrunch up from all that sorrow, anguish, pain, whatnot? When all that is happening, can you actually maintain that perfect facial expression? :struggle:

I've seen myself cry before and trust me, it's not a pretty sight, hahaha! Why on Earth would I want to cry prettily anyway? Maybe it would look good on my resume, "Can cry prettily." I should get hired pretty fast, huh? ;-)

The Ugly Girl-ling

It's hard not to feel like the ugly duckling of the bunch when you're constantly surrounded by smoking hot chicas all the time. I mean, yeah, people might tell you that "Oh, you're pretty" or "Don't be silly, you're attractive too" but these are what people say to you, who, let's face facts, are usually your friends and family. But how about what you yourself see when you go out?

Case in point. The girls that I usually hang out with are all lovely (let's focus on physical beauty for the meantime, alrite, but that's not to say they're not lovely inside too. Don't put words in my mouth :X-P: ). Anyway, whenever I'm out with them, it's hard not to notice the stares and looks they get from the opposite sex. And it's not those leery 'I-wanna-get-in-your-pants' stares, it's those 'Wow, what an attractive woman. I would like to get to know her' looks :inlove:.

And sometimes it doesn't stop at the stares, they even get guys coming up to talk to them :hypnotized:. A foreigner actually went up to one of my girl friends right on the streets and said, "You're beautiful." Yeah, yeah, you might be thinking the guy just wants to test his luck but the point is, that totally random comment from a random guy made her feel so much more beautiful and appreciated as a woman. If I actually take the time to relate every single approach my girl friends and cousins have had from guys, I would have to make an entirely new blog.:eek:

When I look at each and every one of the girls I usually go out with, I kind of understand why guys are so attracted to them. Like with my friends L and M, L is the Chinese beauty with a beautiful singing voice and a really addictive laughter while M is this tall and thin dark beauty who looks really good in skirts and has beautiful eyes. My best friend E has this cute round face which lights up whenever she smiles or laughs and has really long silky hair (she managed to turn the heads of the male employees at One Utama's Live It Up! recently).

As for my cousins, we have A who has this captivating wavy hair, lovely body figure and a face that simply attracts attention and wolf-whistles. Then there's S, the diva of the group, who is always immaculate in her dressing and her make-up, looking all hot and sizzling no matter where she goes. Let's not forget I, whom I am always thankful she's wearing a tudung (head scarf) for she'll just knock out every man in her sight with her no-mercy combo of long fairytale wavy brown hair, fair skin, petite body and very expressive face. And last but not least is Z, who is the quiet one of the bunch, but it is that quiet wisdom and silent sense of humour that emits from her adorable face that is so attractive (she has a very cute laugh too).

Okie, for the sake of argument (because I know I'll have some family members protesting), here's how I am; I am one of two types, depending on my mood, which are either the gangster jeans-and-jacket girl or the gothic nothing-but-black girl, which apparently some guys find totally scary and unapproachable. :-?

I'm not saying I'm jealous or envious of them (truthfully I'm not, my family and God knows that very well) O:-). I'm actually really proud of them, even more so with their individual attitudes and personalities. But sometimes no matter how hard your family (or you yourself) tries to make you see that you're beautiful in your own way, it's just hard to feel good about yourself when time after time, the attention is on them and hardly ever on you :wilt:, not that I'm the attention-seeker type, mind you. Just feeling kind of down after recent events.

So, to the family who tries so hard to make me believe in myself, I do once in a while but this post is written so that you can actually see why I think the way I think. And yeah, this is how I think most of the time. :-D And please don't go into the whole 'Girl, you know you are each special in your own way' lecture because I've heard it so many times, I know it by heart. :laugh: This is just my way of letting loose of some emotional stress, that's all, nothing more. :victory: