We live in a world based on appearances.
I met up with some old 'friends' I haven't seen in a while these past couple of months. And funnily enough, they all only had one thing to say when they first saw me.
All about how much weight I've gained.
I'm not really sure why people like to comment on other people's weight when they haven't seen each other in a while. What's with the 'Wah, fat already ah you' trend that's going around? What happened to 'How are you?' or 'What have you been up to?'? Why does the first thing to come out from the mouth is on how much weight a person has gained? You won't hear 'Wah, you lost weight ah' as much as 'Wah, so 'prosperous' (fat) ah'.
There are sayings that those who like to comment on people's weight are actually self-conscious of their own weight, and they are actually happy to see other people putting on layers of fat while they either stayed the same or lost some weight.
Having had an eating disorder before (I was anorexic), I know better than to mention 'weighty' issues, 'coz I know personally how some people can feel and react to it. Though they usually smile or laugh with the other person, inside they actually feel down and they get self-conscious. You could say you have hurt their feelings, though intentionally or not, that's your call 'coz you should know.
At a recent wedding, I met an old friend of mine who has gained a considerable amount of weight. Though it's hard not to take notice (I took a loooong look), what I did was hug her and asked how she was. No mention of weight whatsoever. The only time I would call attention to a person's weight is when they are very, very, VERY thin. 'Coz then I get worried.
Some people eat when they are stressed or depressed, which is still fine 'coz at least they eat something, but for those who loses their appetite when faced with problems, they can actually destroy their body in the long run. When you don't eat for long periods of time, your body will eat up your fats and once the fat is gone, it'll start feeding on the rest of your body. Slowly your body will break down as your system shuts down one by one in order to save energy in a bid to survive. For more information, you can read up about anorexia and the effects it has on the body.
Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I'm getting quite sick of hearing the same thing over and over. I know I gained weight, you don't have to tell me. It's my body and as the owner, I should know what's happening to it. Sorry that I'm not living up to your expectations of staying slim and thin all the time but instead of trying to live up to people's mental image of me, I rather be myself. It's not like I blew up into elephant size or anything. But if I ever do, then you have my permission to mention how gigantic I got.
Saturday, 17 February 2007
Friday, 19 January 2007
Beloved Parents
I was hanging out with a friend yesterday and to my surprise and panic, he started crying for no apparent reason after coming back from getting a drink.
After a few moments of consoling, he finally opened up that he was thinking about his father and how much older he looks now with wrinkles lining his face. He further admitted that he couldn't imagine life without his dad, and mom, and that he was scared of the day when they would leave him.
How many of us have taken our parents for granted, thinking that they will always be there with us, for us? I told my friend that the day he's dreading is inevitable and the best thing is to spend as much time as possible with his parents. Life is short, once you look at it, not leaving as much time as we would like to do all the things we want to do or see.
I, for one, will admit that I don't spend time with my parents. My dad lives elsewhere and I only see him once a week, if I'm lucky, and usually that time is a maximum of 2 hours. As for my mom, even though I live with her, I'm too busy with my current shop to actually be at home or to go out with her. When I'm not at the shop, I'm usually trying to squeeze in some time with my other family members, such as my cousins, and friends.
Though it's bad for me to say, I don't really remember or appreciate the things my mom does for me. My reactions are usually thinking that she's meddling or irritating, but more often, I'ld think that she doesn't believe I can take care of myself. For example, the other day she bought me a bracelet which is suppose to shoo evils away. I remember thinking 'Aiyo, another superstitious thing' and just wore it on my wrist without much thought. When I showed it to my friend, he said, "Wah, your mom really loves you alot". His response struck a core in me, and for once, I became aware of just how much my mom cares for me. She wasn't being a coddling mother or an interfering busybody; she was just being a mom.
It takes a while to actually see that all the things she has been doing for me was actually for my own good or her own way of showing she cares for me. More than half of my life was spent watching and fearing the almost daily bickering and screaming matches between my parents. Though I lost most memories of my childhood, what sticks in my head is the selfishness I witnessed in my parents as they fought without any concern for their young children. I held resentment towards them for so many years for using me as the go-betweener that the thought of them still caring and loving me, and my brother, is simply unimaginable.
I do realize how much older my mom and dad are getting but still I can't seem to bring myself to really go all out for them. Maybe in due time I'll get past the memories and start caring more for my parents.
After a few moments of consoling, he finally opened up that he was thinking about his father and how much older he looks now with wrinkles lining his face. He further admitted that he couldn't imagine life without his dad, and mom, and that he was scared of the day when they would leave him.
How many of us have taken our parents for granted, thinking that they will always be there with us, for us? I told my friend that the day he's dreading is inevitable and the best thing is to spend as much time as possible with his parents. Life is short, once you look at it, not leaving as much time as we would like to do all the things we want to do or see.
I, for one, will admit that I don't spend time with my parents. My dad lives elsewhere and I only see him once a week, if I'm lucky, and usually that time is a maximum of 2 hours. As for my mom, even though I live with her, I'm too busy with my current shop to actually be at home or to go out with her. When I'm not at the shop, I'm usually trying to squeeze in some time with my other family members, such as my cousins, and friends.
Though it's bad for me to say, I don't really remember or appreciate the things my mom does for me. My reactions are usually thinking that she's meddling or irritating, but more often, I'ld think that she doesn't believe I can take care of myself. For example, the other day she bought me a bracelet which is suppose to shoo evils away. I remember thinking 'Aiyo, another superstitious thing' and just wore it on my wrist without much thought. When I showed it to my friend, he said, "Wah, your mom really loves you alot". His response struck a core in me, and for once, I became aware of just how much my mom cares for me. She wasn't being a coddling mother or an interfering busybody; she was just being a mom.
It takes a while to actually see that all the things she has been doing for me was actually for my own good or her own way of showing she cares for me. More than half of my life was spent watching and fearing the almost daily bickering and screaming matches between my parents. Though I lost most memories of my childhood, what sticks in my head is the selfishness I witnessed in my parents as they fought without any concern for their young children. I held resentment towards them for so many years for using me as the go-betweener that the thought of them still caring and loving me, and my brother, is simply unimaginable.
I do realize how much older my mom and dad are getting but still I can't seem to bring myself to really go all out for them. Maybe in due time I'll get past the memories and start caring more for my parents.
Thursday, 18 January 2007
'Seeking Out The Signs'
Yesterday's Star paper had an article on suicide by Dr Herbert Mandell, which listed down the reasons for suicide as well as its warning signs. It was an interesting read but what bugged me slightly was the sentence 'it's best to know the signs of danger'.
Truthfully, in the current world of stress, would anyone even notice signs such as 'crying easily', 'exhaustion', or 'low self-esteem', which to some people are common behaviour when dealing with problems and trials? In a society caught up in self-interest with people too busy going about their daily life, would anyone even care?
Some warning signs can be physically seen such as 'change in appearance', but there are some that are not 'in your face' or not noticable immediately, such as 'decrease in grades' and 'diminished involvement in usual interests'. Usually when your grades drop, people would either scold you or tell you to work harder. You won't see people looking at your low marks and commenting, 'Are you thinking of committing suicide?' As for the diminished interest in activities, people would usually assume that you're too busy or simply lost interest.
Another warning sign is 'creating artwork or writing or listening to music on death/dying'. Seriously, coming from an ex-suicidal person, when someone really wants to die, they would just go and do it. They won't show their writings and artworks or leave it lying around. They would hide their intention from family and friends. Similar to anorexics who would bundle themselves in baggy bulky clothing to hide their skinny figure, force-vomit themselves in a locked and secluded toilet, and cunningly create excuses not to eat. They won't admit they have a problem.
When you can actually see the signs, it means that the potential victim is actually seeking for help by telling you or subtly showing you that they are unhappy or unable to cope with life. They may talk or think about disappearing from the world, but really, they are scared. But like I mentioned before, how many people would actually notice these signs or take time to listen and understand what they are saying?
A few months back, there was another article on depression and suicide in The Star. The author stated that it is not the fault of the victim for feeling worthless, it is the fault of society who does not have any compassion or time to understand them. Once, someone confessed her intention to 'disappear' to a friend, however what she got drove her even further down the depression road. Basically, what the friend did was compare the problems of a suicidal person with the problems of a soon-to-be-wed person, and stated that 'the wedding couple has even bigger problems than you'. So does that mean the person who wants to kill himself is secondary to one who is facing wedding preparations?
Society has gotten so used to death, what with all the reports of people murdering people and people hanging or killing themselves, that the news of suicide is no longer shocking or taboo. Last year, a group of Japanese students killed themselves in a mass suicide around the country. In Singapore, you'll hear case after case of people hanging themselves due to numerous reasons such as debt, low grades and depression. In Malaysia, one suicide case among many was the Indian mother who positioned herself on the railway tracks with her children, awaiting an oncoming train.
The signs are there but would you be able to see or notice it? Even those who tried to let out their intention might not be able to get through to their close ones, unless they say outright 'I want to kill myself'.
Truthfully, in the current world of stress, would anyone even notice signs such as 'crying easily', 'exhaustion', or 'low self-esteem', which to some people are common behaviour when dealing with problems and trials? In a society caught up in self-interest with people too busy going about their daily life, would anyone even care?
Some warning signs can be physically seen such as 'change in appearance', but there are some that are not 'in your face' or not noticable immediately, such as 'decrease in grades' and 'diminished involvement in usual interests'. Usually when your grades drop, people would either scold you or tell you to work harder. You won't see people looking at your low marks and commenting, 'Are you thinking of committing suicide?' As for the diminished interest in activities, people would usually assume that you're too busy or simply lost interest.
Another warning sign is 'creating artwork or writing or listening to music on death/dying'. Seriously, coming from an ex-suicidal person, when someone really wants to die, they would just go and do it. They won't show their writings and artworks or leave it lying around. They would hide their intention from family and friends. Similar to anorexics who would bundle themselves in baggy bulky clothing to hide their skinny figure, force-vomit themselves in a locked and secluded toilet, and cunningly create excuses not to eat. They won't admit they have a problem.
When you can actually see the signs, it means that the potential victim is actually seeking for help by telling you or subtly showing you that they are unhappy or unable to cope with life. They may talk or think about disappearing from the world, but really, they are scared. But like I mentioned before, how many people would actually notice these signs or take time to listen and understand what they are saying?
A few months back, there was another article on depression and suicide in The Star. The author stated that it is not the fault of the victim for feeling worthless, it is the fault of society who does not have any compassion or time to understand them. Once, someone confessed her intention to 'disappear' to a friend, however what she got drove her even further down the depression road. Basically, what the friend did was compare the problems of a suicidal person with the problems of a soon-to-be-wed person, and stated that 'the wedding couple has even bigger problems than you'. So does that mean the person who wants to kill himself is secondary to one who is facing wedding preparations?
Society has gotten so used to death, what with all the reports of people murdering people and people hanging or killing themselves, that the news of suicide is no longer shocking or taboo. Last year, a group of Japanese students killed themselves in a mass suicide around the country. In Singapore, you'll hear case after case of people hanging themselves due to numerous reasons such as debt, low grades and depression. In Malaysia, one suicide case among many was the Indian mother who positioned herself on the railway tracks with her children, awaiting an oncoming train.
The signs are there but would you be able to see or notice it? Even those who tried to let out their intention might not be able to get through to their close ones, unless they say outright 'I want to kill myself'.
Tuesday, 9 January 2007
The Starting of a Dream
Well, anyone who knows me in-depth knows that one of my dreams has always been to open my own bookstore, and guess what? The dream came true!!!
While it's exciting and exhilirating to see everything coming alive, it's very, very, VERY scary. Very. I'm telling you, the days leading up to the soft opening were nerve-wrecking, filled with tears. Hahaha, when I think back to those days, I can't help but laugh at myself.
However, I will never forget the feeling, the fear. Even now the fear is flowing in my veins, running me cold all over. The negative thoughts, the potential setbacks, the possibility of failure. Though there were many times I broke down, I have to thank my friends and family for encouraging me on, especially my brother. Without them, most likely Thousand Tales will never even see the light of day, just nestled in my imagination.
We are in Day Three and as expected, business is slow. It has been estimated that business will boom in maybe 6 months due to people moving into the apartments and the business centre opposite us. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. :)
While it's exciting and exhilirating to see everything coming alive, it's very, very, VERY scary. Very. I'm telling you, the days leading up to the soft opening were nerve-wrecking, filled with tears. Hahaha, when I think back to those days, I can't help but laugh at myself.
However, I will never forget the feeling, the fear. Even now the fear is flowing in my veins, running me cold all over. The negative thoughts, the potential setbacks, the possibility of failure. Though there were many times I broke down, I have to thank my friends and family for encouraging me on, especially my brother. Without them, most likely Thousand Tales will never even see the light of day, just nestled in my imagination.
We are in Day Three and as expected, business is slow. It has been estimated that business will boom in maybe 6 months due to people moving into the apartments and the business centre opposite us. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. :)
Tuesday, 26 December 2006
Moving Along
I have moved on. Enough said. So goodbye to you, and may I say good riddance to the coward.
Friday, 10 November 2006
Vengence
The lengths people go through to satisfy their thirst for revenge are limitless. Sometimes I wonder what this world is going to be like in the future with people like this in it.
You are not satisfied until you bring the person you target as low as you can, crumbling them to pieces that may never be properly fixed again. You laugh as they weep, you celebrate as they struggle, you go happily about your life as they attempt to crawl back up. Well, you seem to have forgotten something.
You think you're so mighty, playing games with people's heart and mind; you are not. You think you're satisfied with your vengence; you'll never be satisfied. You think that your target can't harm you in return; they will, but it won't be your target that will do something to you. It will be God.
You know who you are. Though you're trying to take your target down in whatever way possible, keep in mind that one day the same thing you did to your target could happen to you. It's karma. It's the way of the world.
I only have one thing to say to you; you're a coward. If you want to harm your target so badly, then do it to their face. You got something to say, then say it to their face. Hurting someone behind their back only confirms what type of person you really are. So either stop your wretched vengeful way or gather enough courage to face your target head on.
I pity you. Not the victim but the one causing the pain. I wonder how you can live with yourself.
You are not satisfied until you bring the person you target as low as you can, crumbling them to pieces that may never be properly fixed again. You laugh as they weep, you celebrate as they struggle, you go happily about your life as they attempt to crawl back up. Well, you seem to have forgotten something.
You think you're so mighty, playing games with people's heart and mind; you are not. You think you're satisfied with your vengence; you'll never be satisfied. You think that your target can't harm you in return; they will, but it won't be your target that will do something to you. It will be God.
You know who you are. Though you're trying to take your target down in whatever way possible, keep in mind that one day the same thing you did to your target could happen to you. It's karma. It's the way of the world.
I only have one thing to say to you; you're a coward. If you want to harm your target so badly, then do it to their face. You got something to say, then say it to their face. Hurting someone behind their back only confirms what type of person you really are. So either stop your wretched vengeful way or gather enough courage to face your target head on.
I pity you. Not the victim but the one causing the pain. I wonder how you can live with yourself.
Tuesday, 29 August 2006
Talking Mouths
After looking into things a little bit, I found out something interesting. Some people have been taking information on me, and what they could find from my Friendster, and have been handing these information down until they reached RM's ears. And I found out even further that these 'talking mouths' are actually on my Friendster list!!
One word of advice to you: shut up!! I have never, and I won't, hide the fact that I hate RM for everything he has done to me and my friends. And I hate the fact that you and your neverending-need for gossip actually gave this guy ammunition to be used against me. And to think that I actually considered you a friend!!
Karma goes in a circle. I don't have to look for you, I don't even have to talk to you or confront you. All I have to do is wait for fate to do its job. Karma found RM, you think it won't find you? Think about it the next time you feel like 'talking'.
One word of advice to you: shut up!! I have never, and I won't, hide the fact that I hate RM for everything he has done to me and my friends. And I hate the fact that you and your neverending-need for gossip actually gave this guy ammunition to be used against me. And to think that I actually considered you a friend!!
Karma goes in a circle. I don't have to look for you, I don't even have to talk to you or confront you. All I have to do is wait for fate to do its job. Karma found RM, you think it won't find you? Think about it the next time you feel like 'talking'.
Monday, 28 August 2006
Karma
After years, karma has finally reached you.
After all your abuse, you finally had a taste of your own actions.
After causing such pain, suffering finally found you.
After talking so big, your empty words finally brought you down.
After 5 long years, I finally have you and your abuse and threats off my back.
RM, I feel pity for you yet at the same time, I honestly feel that you deserve your dued karma.
To my ex-KDU and Murdoch friends, let us pray and hope that 'he' will be a better man after this. To those of you who have been through the same thing as me, and who knows what went on, you know who I'm referring to.
After all your abuse, you finally had a taste of your own actions.
After causing such pain, suffering finally found you.
After talking so big, your empty words finally brought you down.
After 5 long years, I finally have you and your abuse and threats off my back.
RM, I feel pity for you yet at the same time, I honestly feel that you deserve your dued karma.
To my ex-KDU and Murdoch friends, let us pray and hope that 'he' will be a better man after this. To those of you who have been through the same thing as me, and who knows what went on, you know who I'm referring to.
Sunday, 20 August 2006
Back On Track
As usual, just when you think life is shitty, things start to look bright and you start to believe in hope again. The thing is, once everything is back on track, you tend to forget the shitty parts ever happened. Me, I want to take this chance to just kick back and enjoy whatever good things that are happening now.
Monday, 5 June 2006
Telling Lies & Spreading Rumours
Somebody is spreading lies and rumours. Somebody is trying to cause trouble. Somebody is wanting to re-create the chaos we at KDU and Murdoch have faced.
Why it is that whenever there is a calm spell and everyone is happily going about their life, this certain somebody will rise up (let's not put a gender and call this person 'it') its ugly little head and cause a stir? It seems that this person can't keep still and is at its happiest when it can cause trouble. Even when there is nothing going on, nothing said, it will make up lies and rumours just to create havoc.
I wonder if it realises that one day, people will find out who it is. It doesn't seem scared of the world, maybe 'coz it thinks it can get away with it. The thing is it shouldn't be scared of the world and the people in it when they find out who is causing all these troubles. The most we can do to you is torture you and kill you. But...but have you forgotten about after this world? About God? What we mere mortals can do to you is nothing compared to what God has in store for you, for all your 'deeds', for all the trouble you have caused to people's life.
Are you unhappy, I wonder? Is that why you want to make other people unhappy? Or do you want, crave, attention? Do you want the spotlight to shine on you non-stop, even if you have to create lies and hurt people? You know who you are. We know who you are, the troublemaker, the rumour-spreader, the liar.
There is a saying that when someone causes you harm, causes you pain, you can wish for something to happen to that hurtful person. I don't have to do that. I don't have to wish for something bad to happen to you. One, because I won't stoop to your lower-than-low level and two, I know that you will get what you deserve, either in this lifetime or at Judgement Day. It's karma. Let's hope that with your 'considerable' age (seeing as you're not a child anymore), you will wisen up.
Somehow, I highly doubt that but then again, miracles have been known to happen.
Why it is that whenever there is a calm spell and everyone is happily going about their life, this certain somebody will rise up (let's not put a gender and call this person 'it') its ugly little head and cause a stir? It seems that this person can't keep still and is at its happiest when it can cause trouble. Even when there is nothing going on, nothing said, it will make up lies and rumours just to create havoc.
I wonder if it realises that one day, people will find out who it is. It doesn't seem scared of the world, maybe 'coz it thinks it can get away with it. The thing is it shouldn't be scared of the world and the people in it when they find out who is causing all these troubles. The most we can do to you is torture you and kill you. But...but have you forgotten about after this world? About God? What we mere mortals can do to you is nothing compared to what God has in store for you, for all your 'deeds', for all the trouble you have caused to people's life.
Are you unhappy, I wonder? Is that why you want to make other people unhappy? Or do you want, crave, attention? Do you want the spotlight to shine on you non-stop, even if you have to create lies and hurt people? You know who you are. We know who you are, the troublemaker, the rumour-spreader, the liar.
There is a saying that when someone causes you harm, causes you pain, you can wish for something to happen to that hurtful person. I don't have to do that. I don't have to wish for something bad to happen to you. One, because I won't stoop to your lower-than-low level and two, I know that you will get what you deserve, either in this lifetime or at Judgement Day. It's karma. Let's hope that with your 'considerable' age (seeing as you're not a child anymore), you will wisen up.
Somehow, I highly doubt that but then again, miracles have been known to happen.
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