Double Meaning English

You know as well as I do that there are times when you simply don't realize what you're saying until someone starts laughing at you. It doesn't mean you're ignorant or anything, sometimes people can't help but think 'blue thoughts' when they hear certain words or phrases. Let's face it, we all have a hidden pervert somewhere deep down inside of us. :blush: Here are some instances when our well-meaning English just went haywire.

* * *

M was talking on the phone with a meat supplier. She was trying to purchase a turkey for an event and her 'blue headed' colleague, Mr S, was listening in on her side of the conversation.

M: Do you think you can supply us with a turkey for this event we're holding? Yeah, but I need to know...uh-huh, alrite. How big is your bird? No, I need to know how big your bird is. Yeah, how big is your bird?

Mr S was just guffawing away until M realized what exactly she kept repeating to the male supplier on the phone.

* * *

On a shopping trip, M saw a t-shirt that she thought was really cute. Holding it up to herself, she saw that the t-shirt was too big for her so she called the girl sales assistant over.

M: Do you have an 'S'? Can I see your 'S' please? (At this point, M's friend started laughing aloud at what he just heard with his 'dirty' ears.)

Sales assistant: Yes, yes, I will show you the 'S'. (Hearing this, M's friend started laughing even harder.)

* * *

While driving towards our destination, my friends and I were discussing which road was the best to take. Either direction would take us to the same destination and as I was the driver, it didn't matter to me as I was familiar with both roads.

So I said, "I can go both ways. Either way also can. No problem for me."

Suddenly, my friend, S, started giggling in the backseat, tickled by the fact that I was perhaps talking about my sexual relationship preferences.

* * *

Hanging out with my cousins at an eatery, we were munching on french fries when one cousin started to cut the long french fries into bite sizes.

S: No, don't cut them. I like long ones.

A: But it's easier to eat them when they're short.

N: I like them short. So S can have the long ones, give me the short ones.

It took us about a second to realize what our conversation sounded like and we started laughing at ourselves.

* * *

A family was celebrating their child's birthday and had balloons blown up for the occasion at an eatery.

The father, who was holding a balloon, looked at his young son and said, "Look at my balloon. My balloon so small. Wah, look at yours. Your balloon so big, bigger than mine."

My cousins and I, who were sitting at the next table, had to refrain from laughing at the 'double meaning' we heard in his words.

* * *

Driving back from a short outing, my cousin and I ended up talking about balloons and the sound they make when you rub them.

A: Oooh, I cannot. I'm scared of balloons. Scared they will pop.

Me: How can you be scared of balloons? You love blowing balloons.

Glancing at each other, we broke out in loud laughter inside the car.

* * *

Yes, some of the instances are very lame and most people won't even realize the implications. ?:-) But then, sometimes you just get into that state of mind when everything said seems to have a 'dirty' element/meaning in it. :sidefrown:

April Fool's Day Story

It's April Fool Day, or is it April Fool's Day? I never did get the hang of the spelling of this humourous day. Anyway, a few people were making a big hoo-ha of April Fool's Day on Facebook and it reminded me of a prank my housemate back in Australia did to our mutual friend. I don't know how it started though so I can only relate the parts I was physically there.

I slid the glass door open and entered my student housing's living room. From the voices I heard coming from the first bedroom, I guessed that my housemate had company. I yelled out a simple 'Hi!' as I dumped my sling bag and books on the dining table.

Muffled footsteps made their way towards me and I looked up to see my friend, Edwin. However, I don't think he noticed me as he was staring intently at a light bulb he was grasping with both hands.

He stopped a few feet near me and I asked him quizzically, "What are you doing?"

Without looking up, he answered, "Azreena told me that she can light up a bulb just by concentrating her energy to it. She said I can do it too if I focus, so I'm trying it now."

His grip slackened momentarily and he let out a soft sigh before firming his grasp on the bulb again. I could veins sticking slightly out of his forehead in his effort.

I stared at him, my mouth slightly opened in disbelief, but I kept silent. More muffled footsteps sounded and the 'kinetic' woman entered the room with a mischievious smile on her face. I moved towards her and asked in a whisper, "How long has he been doing that?"

"5 minutes," she replied with a soft snicker.

By this time, Edwin must have realized that something was amiss based on our whispered conversation as he looked up from the bulb at us and noticed the grin on Azreena's face.

"You were pulling my leg, weren't you?" he yelled. "I thought it was impossible but since you said you could do it, I thought I'd try too. I can't believe I held the light bulb that long."

"I can't believe you didn't realize it when she said it," I replied, joining in Azreena's laughter.

That's only one of a long list of stories I could relate from my university days. I wonder what pranks people will be doing today. Have fun, but please remember, pranks are meant to be fun, not mean. Laugh with the people you are joking with, not laugh at them. Enjoy!!

A School Story

I don't know why but all of a sudden, an image popped into my head the other day that just made me burst out in laughter. Luckily, I was alone at that time but, eh, wait, if I laugh alone, by myself, does that make me crazy? 8O Anyway, it was an image I kind of recorded into my mind because it was so unexpected when it happened.

When I was in high school, I had class with this one guy, who I had a small crush on, and about four of his friends. They were all seated at the front of the class (because they were naughty and the class teacher wanted to keep an eye on them) while I was seated somewhere in the middle. Now, whenever we have a free period or in between classes, these boys like to hang out at the table just before the classroom door, which was also near the waste-basket.

One of my pens had just run out of ink and I was thinking to myself, "Ah, damn. I need to throw this away now." Too lazy to get out from my chair and walk to the front, I cleverly decided to just throw it in the direction of the waste-basket in the hopes that it will miraculously fall into the bin.

Taking aim, I flicked the pen like a throwing dagger and watched in mild horror as it sailed through the air  swerved slightly and hit one of my crush's friends right smack in the middle of his forehead. :oops:

At that time, they were all gathered around their usual table, telling jokes, and the boy I hit was laughing at something and abruptly stopped when the unforeseen object interrupted his fun. All of them stared dumbfounded at the 'victim' before turning around and noticing my gaping mouth. They then started pointing fingers at me and howled in laughter at the 'victim'.

I kept apologizing from my seat and the boy nonchalantly waved my apologies away and tried to resume the conversation. It would have seemed cool if it wasn't for his face turning bright red. :lol:

Unexpected Best Friend

Tired and sweaty, I made my trek up the road, barely noticing the cars that passed me by. I was feeling kind of blank and lost at the same time, my thoughts jumbled up with past memories, all because of the song that popped up on my iPod. A romance ballad that used to be the ringtone for someone. The song was a personal favourite of mine but I haven't listened to it ever since the break-up. I just didn't want to deal with the images that I know it will definitely bring up.

When the song reached the second verse, I was feeling down and really felt like needing a friend. I looked up from my wonderings and there, standing right in front of me was a familiar sight that, hard to believe, lifted my saddened heart immediately. That pair of eyes I knew so well and never got tired of was staring straight at me and made my lips twitch into a slight smile. The standing posture seems like it was saying, "Hey, what are you waiting for? Come here." My pace quickened with new-found energy and just like that, my burden lifted itself off my shoulders and all was right again in my world.

A few feet away, I paused to admire the body attached to those wonderful eyes, a sense of pride filling in my chest. As I reached out a hand, I was thinking how amazing it is for just the sight of one familiar figure to be able to bring you out of your misery. You know how people say diamonds are a girl's best friend. Nope, no way is that true. Because for me, one of the best friends I have is a speedy little thing with slanted eyes and shiny body; my car. :D

A Lesson in Stress Management

You know, sometimes junk mail aren't exactly 'junk' mail. All those forwarded e-mails that you receive everyday are not all useless, pointless or a waste of time. There are golden eggs amongst those rotten fruits, and here's one egg I almost threw away.

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, 'How heavy is this glass of water?'

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.'

'If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.'

'In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued, 'And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on.'

'As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'

'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can.'

If you've ever wondered why experienced people tell you, 'Leave your work at the office. Don't bring it home.' or 'Leave your personal problems at the door', this is why. It's to help you relieve your stress burden.

A Night for Shellfish

I've been looking through my old posts and just realized a humourous story that I think I wrote elsewhere but never posted here. This is a true story as related to me by a friend I've worked with during one of the plays by The Oral Stage crew (check out their site at http://www.theoralstage.com/ , they haven't been active so far this year, though).

Prakash was in charge of booking a venue for his college's prom night so he called up one of the hotels to inquire the rental and whatever deal they could provide.

Prakash: "Hello. I'm calling to book your hall for an event. Can you help me out?"

Receptionist: "Yes. May I ask what's the event?"

Prakash: "It's for my college. We're having a prom night."

Receptionist: "I see. If you can tell me the date, I will check to see if it's available."

Prakash: "Ok."

Receptionist: "By the way, will you be bringing your own prawns?"

Prakash: "I'm sorry?"

Receptionist: "For your prawn night. Will you be bringing your own prawns or do you need us to supply them for you?"

Prakash: "It's a PROM night. Not a prawn night! It's a PROM night!"

Needless to say, both callers were embarrassed by the mistake. I wonder what made the receptionist think someone would actually organize a PRAWN night. Are there anyone who's crazy in love with prawns to pay tribute to these shellfish? Hmmm, I never did find out whether Prakash actually rented that same hall. :lol: